Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Best. Party. Ever.

Jan 12, 2010


Best. Party. Ever.



One of the things that happens when you get too old, you spend more time re-telling old stories than generating new ones.

I have a couple new ones now.



Everything went exactly as I had envisioned it, which I find remarkable considering how little planning and prep went into it. Every portion was filled with participants, and all of you get the credit for that. All in all, not counting guests of guests, and the people who had to attend because it was in their house, about 35 people showed up, which is more people than I would have guessed I even know.

I want to extend a most enthusiastic thanks to everyone who came - however briefly - to my party, helping to make it an unmitigated success.

Most especially I wish to thank Greg for offering his house for the party, and Andy, Peter, Robin, Bret, Vern, and Vern's wife (who's name I don't remember since I met her then for the first time) for tolerating it.

Extra thanks to Peter and Jesse who helped me set up at the mansion and clean up again after, and Laura who helped me clear the field of poop, and to whoever found the 2nd N64.

Much thanks to Beth and Jessica who made 2 desserts each and my mom and Lois who brought one with candles - and all of them with my signature smiley face, "Banana Nose", my trademark since Jr. High.

A special thanks too, to Larry who came early and stayed 'till the end, and Sasha and Irina and Lois and Dajenya and Jesse who participated in each separate stage.

Thanks to Larry for the extensive documentation:











(I broke out the stilettos for the first time since prom for a few songs)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmbhs76CnAo

(The very end)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kW34_om36g




I try not to be too narcissistic, but honestly, I'd have to say last Saturday was the most fun party I've ever been to. Maybe I shouldn't wait 30 years to have the next one afterall...

(In the meantime, I will have other amtgard/spoons games. Let me know if you'd like to be on the notification list for future games.)

And now on to other things, being mature and responsible and productive and all that sort of thing.

Monday, 14 December 2009

Christmas Lights


  • Dec 14, 2009

Christmas Lights

So many people, when the subject of Christmas lights come up, they acknowledge they are nice, but go on to add "but they are a waste of energy".

As someone who feels strongly that American's use of energy and resources is morally unacceptable, I would like to be very clear about this:
Christmas lights are NOT a waste of energy.

That 80% of car trips have only the driver or a driver and one passenger, yet seat from 5-7 people is a waste of energy.  That we live, on average, 20 miles from our jobs is a waste of energy.  Uninsulated attics and unweather stripped doors and windows in houses and power steering and air conditioning in cars, all electric kitchens, and cars that weigh 50% more than they did 20 years ago and have 200% more power are all enormous wastes of energy.
Buying enormous amounts of crap that no one really needs and that get shoved into a closet or thrown out after a few weeks wastes energy in manufacture and transport.

Not one of those things provides any significant increase in quality of life.  None of them make people happy to be alive.  At most they provide a tiny increase in convince.  At worst they do nothing but cost money.  None of them create joy.



In a land where profit is considered the only motivating factor for nearly everything in life, filled with people who don't know their neighbors, where 50% of people can't be bothered to take the effort to use their turn signals, for a few weeks a year people do something with no financial benefit, no increase in comfort or convenience, no direct personal benefit.
You don't even see them from inside the house.  Everyone else passing by sees them.
They turn an ordinary neighborhood into a magical place.
They create joy.
Which makes them one of the few valid uses of energy in this country.
Because ultimately, making it enjoyable is really the only point there is to life. 

So go ahead and enjoy those giant flashy displays and don't for a second feel guilty about it.
Put up your own even.

You can get a strip of LED lights for less than $10 that use less than 5 watts of power, (far less than a single florescent light bulb).
I even found a set for under $5 that runs for days on just (rechargeable) AA batteries.

But LED or no, the lights are worthwhile and good.

A world without christmas lights is not a world worth saving.

Friday, 11 December 2009

Last Day of Youth


  • Dec 11, 2009

Last Day of Youth

In less than a month, I will no longer be one of those people who are "in their 20s".
I'm driving slower, I own my home, I'm self-employed, and I have a credit rating above 800.
Defying all that makes sense in the world, I've been gradually becoming a responsible adult.
As of midnight Jan 9th of next year, it will become official.

Living to 90 is a fair goal.
If you chop life into 3 big blocks, 90 / 3, then 0-30 would be youth.  60-90 would be old age.  Which leaves 30-60 to be middle aged.
Wow.
Man.
Crazy.
I am a month away from middle aged.
I'm a divorcee who lives with 2 cats and is currently researching the tax affects of different types of individual retirement accounts.
I don't entirely understand how this happened.




I'm not one to throw parties.
In fact, the last time I hosted a party entirely on my own was - never.

On Saturday, January 9th, 2009, I will have my "Last Day of Youth" party.

Full Contact Spoons and Amtgard in the park (probably Ohlone in Berkeley)

Video games: Perfect Dark and Super Smash Brothers and Mario Kart.
Like we used to play in high-school.  I've been playing against my 8 year old neighbor, so I don't suck as much as I did back then.

Hours of non-stop dancing starting at sun down (probably at my house - unless someone with more space than me and a kick-ass sound system wants to volunteer to host)
I went through thousands of tracks, one by one, and selected across multiple genres for maximum danceability, ordered them by beats per minutes, and have them beat-matched and cross faded by robot DJ (aka my laptop - nothing like the real thing, but about $600 cheaper). 7 hours worth of rock-a-billy followed by funk followed by hip-hop followed by "gypsy punk" followed by pop.

There are to be no presents or gifts of any kind.  Seriously.  I have enough stuff and enough money.  And not enough space.  This includes home-made stuff and things that would actually be useful to me.  Nothing.
(Edibles and sorbiles -cake, alcohol, whatever- would be appreciated, but that would be to share with everyone.)
Your presence is my present.
Playing spoons and dancing non-stop until my neighbors complain or we pass out from exhaustion is my present.  Might be a good idea to start an exercise program now to prepare...

Because I would like even my feeble friends to attend, I am suspending my usual rule that anyone who shows up to spoons has to play.

I can not think of a good way to end this

Friday, 4 December 2009

The Wine Barrel (population and parenthood)


  • Dec 4, 2009

The Wine Barrel (population and parenthood)

The Earth has been around about 5 billion years, life about 4 billion.
Half a billion years for animals, 200 billion for mammals.
200,000 years of humans.
For the first 192,000 years or so, the human population was under 10 million people world wide.
Increasing 10 fold took 6000 more years.
We rocketed from 100 million to a billion in just over 2000 years.
The next billion only took 120 years.
And then 30.
And since the 1950s, we have added a billion people every 13 years or so.

We are at around 6.75 billion people now.





Its estimated that it will hit 9 billion in about another 30 years.
That new 2 and a quarter billion people will be our children.



We like to point to the 3rd world, to Asia and Africa, but in the measure that matters, the US is by far the most overpopulated country in the world, as well as one of the fastest growing.



Population is only an issue because of the finite resources the Earth can provide.  If we had unlimited resources there wouldn't be any reason not to keep increasing indefinitely.

If everyone used the same amount of water, land, and energy, and caused the same amount of pollution as the average person in the third world, we would all be ok for a long time to come.  Due to lack of ability, what we call poverty, people in the third world tend to use less than their share of world resources.
The average person in the first world uses 5 times more than the overall world average.
The average American uses 20 times more.  Each of us uses about 20 times more water, 20 times more fuel and electricity, 20 times as much land to produce our food, produces 20 times more waste and pollution. 
Which means that in the big picture, each of us counts for 20 people.

So our 305 million population may as well be 6.1 billion, far more than China's 1.3 billion.  They would have to increase some combination of actual population and consumption per person by far before we could legitimately point the finger at them.

It also means that each child we have counts as 20 people, turning our fertility rate of 2.1 (already above the replacement rate of 2) into the equivalent of 42 per woman, 6 times higher than the highest rate of any third world country - and almost 17 times higher than the world average.



In the US alone there are 200,000 children waiting to be adopted.



It is one of the most basic and universal desires is to reproduce.  How could it be any other way? Because if that drive weren't passed along genetic lines, our ancestors wouldn't have bothered, and we wouldn't be here to think about it.

There has been a widespread assumption that because it is natural and universal that therefore it should be considered a "human right".

Our modern world does not resemble the savanna we evolved on.  We also have biological instincts to eat whenever food is available just in case there is no food tomorrow - and the result is rampant obesity.  Violence is natural and universal, but we agree as a society that the costs are not acceptable and make the conscious decision to repress it, both as individuals and as communities.
A good number of us making the conscious choice to go against instinct and manipulate ourselves in ways that take into consideration the reality of our world.  We don't eat everything in front of us, we repress violent impulses - and we make a conscious choice not to breed.
Because, we can do that, we can think, and make choices.


To make wine or beer, you start with grape juice or grains and add microorganisms.
For them it is an incredible feast!  Sugar and carbs as far as the eye can see, no predators, no competition, perfect weather.  So of course they have a really good time, girl fungus meets boy fungus, there's plenty to feed the babies and things just couldn't be better.  And then after a while they literally die from drowning in their own waste products as the population gets completely out of control.
(And then we drink that waste product, but that's another topic entirely)

Human beings, in theory, are a lot more intelligent than yeast.  They don't even have brains.  As individuals we can choose not to have children.  But as a whole, an outside observer would not see much difference between the species.  As a whole, we continue to breed at a rate related only to the resources available today, with little or no regard to how sustainable those resources are.

A great many people - including liberals and environmentalists and those who are childless by choice - become indignant when this topic is brought up.  Reproduction is considered by many to be a fundamental (God-given?) right, and suggesting otherwise brings to mind eugenics programs, or the murder of female infants when China first instituted its one-family/one-child program when sons were the only form of social security the society had.  Those are not inevitable outcomes. 

As a specie all societies choose to discourage some of our natural instincts in such a way that slight personal restrictions result in a far happier society over all.  It may be perfectly natural for me to want to punch some annoying person right in the face, but the government isn't going to give me a tax break for doing it.
Just the same, it is only natural that I want to have my own kids, related to me by DNA, but if it is going to end up making life that much more difficult for all of the people who are already here, perhaps a tax penalty is more appropriate than a credit.

Average cost for fertility treatment is $12,000, and 12% of US couples seek it.  In about 1/2 the states this is covered by insurance.
Given the 200,000 existing children who need homes, I find this immoral.  Think what medical services could be provided to people who are already here with that $4 billion.


Governments could, at the very least, encourage people to have less children simply by removing tax breaks for kids. 
I don't actually think that is going to happen.

But you and I can still choose on our own to act, even if everyone else isn't likely to fall in line.  Its been calculated time and again that simply having a baby has greater impact than all the imported GMO processed food and single-person commutes in SUVs could ever hope to have.  From an ecological standpoint, it would be better to drive a hummer and eat at Mickey Ds but adopt your child then to live the hippy lifestyle in a solar powered yurt with a grey-water garden and create 3 brand new babies of your own.

And now we get to the real crux of the matter.
Being aware of this, just how much personal sacrifice are we willing to make?  I want the experience of creating a child.  I also to avoid being an amoral moral and not a hypocrite.  (A moral hypercrite? Yes.  I aspire to be a hypercrite someday.) 
Like most people, I have developed a defensive rationalization to allow me to not feel guilty about doing what I wanted to all along, even though I really know better.

The way I see it, I personally can't be expected to be held responsible for or make up for the excessive consumption of everyone else around me.  I couldn't if I wanted to.  I personally have a sustainable ecological footprint (i.e. if everyone on the planet used the same level of resources as me, we'd all be set indefinitely).  If me and my hypothetical future partner have 2 kids, once we die, overall, the population hasn't gone up.  If we have just one, its gone down by one.  That seems like a decent compromise to me.  I'd like to have one, and adopt one.  (As a bonus, I can choose to have one of each gender, and more precisely choose the age spread).

Many people object to ideas around population control as an emotional response to implied guilt about already having children, and feeling defensive about kids that are already here.  A potential person has nothing in common with a real human being who is actually here.  Acknowledging that resources have a finite rate of renewal is not a personal attack on you. No one is saying your child isn't wonderful or that you made any "wrong" choices. All I am saying is, however many blessings you have, stop now.

Similarly some people in these discussions suggest that any one who advocates population control should kill themselves if they really mean it.  This equates the mere idea of a person, a hypothetical, potential person, with an actual specific person who is here right now, thinking and breathing and feeling.  We aren't talking about abortion here.  Not having a kid is not killing by any definition.  Any discussion about who a person who does not exist but might possibly is equally ridiculous.  That kid who could someday be is no more likely to become the next president than it is to be a serial killer who enjoys torturing victims. 

Bottom line is, having less children today will be much less painful than wars of dwindling resources some number of decades in the future.

Thursday, 9 July 2009

Spoons and Amtgard; together at last


  • Jul 9, 2009

Spoons and Amtgard; together at last

Its been a long time. 
There was winter.
Then training for the Bay to Breakers.
There is Farmer's Markets, my truck and garden projects, and Downieville.
But, to be honest, it has been mainly laziness.

No more!

This time, for the first time ever, I am combining my two favorite sports, Full Contact Spoons and Amtgard.
(No, not at the same time. We will not be using weapons during the actual spoons game.  No, its not actually a good idea.  It would be terrible.  Don't suggest it.)

At the same Bat time, same Bat channel:
Sunday, July 12th, 2009 at 2:30-4:30pm
Ohlone Park in Berkeley, (across the street from N. Berkeley BART)

Please note:
Spoons is not a spectator sport!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone in attendance will be expected to play.  Don't wear anything which would be tragic to have grass stained. 

I now have two shields to add to my amtgard arsenal.  If you happen to have any foam swords, bring them.

If you are seeing this message for the first time, and are interested in playing, be sure to email me so I put you on the Spoons list for future games.

Sunday, 24 May 2009

Counter-protest / Not that there's anything wrong with it


  • May 24, 2009

Counter-protest / Not that there's anything wrong with it

 

A friend of mine insists that I seem really gay (despite this friend being female, and us sleeping together).
As evidence she questioned someone I had just met, who agreed that whatever I was, she doubted it was straight.
As I found this more than a little strange, I proceeded to ask other people if they thought that when they first met me.
Responses mixed, but I was surprised to find some people agreed with their assessment.

The reasons I got included: that I seem comfortable with myself and others, comfortable in my own skin (mind you, I was in my own home at the time), and that I am not a sleazy slimeball.

I definitely consider those both to be very positive (and, I like to imagine, accurate) things to say about me, but it leaves an absolutely terrible implication for like, all straight men everywhere. 
Like, (aside from gay guys and me), they are all fake, all of the time (or at least around women), always trying to show off or prove something, I suppose, or one way or another acting (presumably for the chance to have sex with everyone they meet).
I have a lot of trouble believing that.



Having an inside pass, I do know that this is terribly common.  Disturbingly common.
But if it is perceived to be universal...
Perhaps this is why nice guys finish last.  Women perceive guys who are just regular, decent human beings as all being gay.

When I was younger I used to believe that everyone is naturally bi, and it is only social conditioning that makes us suppress it.  I was raised in an extremely liberal household by an openly bi former hippy who was totally honest and through in education on all topics. 
(A note for the anti-sex-ed folk: nothing can make sex less appealing to a young person than hearing about it in detail from one's mother.  Statistics show that repressive communities have a far higher teen birth rate.  I on the other hand waited until 21, and then only because the other person insisted).
I grew up not just watching but participating in the gay parade.  It was a while before I understood that a certain anonymous alcohol recovery support group was not in fact specifically for the LGBT community.  Many of my best childhood memories was of Camp Lavender Hill, where every kid was from a LGBT family.  So I was open-minded.
Then I got the opportunity to test the theory.
Turns out I was wrong.
It just doesn't do it for me.
Not at all.
Even years later, I tell myself I "should" be more open-minded.  Nothing can make me lose interest in sex faster than watching gay porn.

I am neutral on the gender tests I have taken, and I'm proud of that.  I may act effeminate by this society's standards - mainly because I am totally oblivious to the standards.  I probably wouldn't act the way I am "supposed to" even if I knew, but the truth is I don't.  When I think about it, I don't see what I could do that wouldn't be a blatant caricature of what it means to be Manly.  I think of flannel, a big belt buckle, beer, and slapping women I barely know on the ass.  I think of constantly challenging other guys to frivolous competitions and asking total strangers for her number on the sole basis of her being "hot".  Who does these things?  How can anyone take them seriously? 

On the Kinsey scale I am all the way over to the right.  I can recognize when a guy is cute.  I have kissed a few guys.  I have even gone much further than that once.  And it all causes exactly zero erotic response for me.  Even when there is a physical response from the physical stimuli, its just not sexy (and yes, I don't know how this isn't common knowledge, but the physical and mental responses are totally separate things, and it is entirely possible to have either without the other.  They generally tend to be associated, but they are separate things.)
I may be sensitive, caring, introspective, open with my feelings, honest and not at all manipulative; but the thing is I REALLY like having sex with women.  I mean, a lot.  If I could find a partner to match, we would spend at least a few hours each day on it.  I just can't even put it in words.  I walk around a college campus, a beach, some special event, all these incredible girls walking around, ohhhh, on a hot day, skin showing, dude - I can't even write this without driving myself crazy.  Remembering race day last week for example.  I could melt.  Melt onto her.  Melt into her.  Her too.  Screw all my convictions and preferences about partnership and commitment - look at that girl right there, her face, that curve where hip meets waist, firm little belly, that smile oh my god I want that girl...
That's what makes me straight.  That, and when I see or think about two guys that way (or one and me) my deepest reaction is I feel a little sick inside, (which, incidentally, allows me to understand homophobia.  Sure, they are bigoted jack-asses who buy into what some book written thousands of years ago tells them to believe -  but ultimately homophobia comes from a raw emotional place, just like for the pro-life people).




On race day I could understand people who didn't know me assuming I was gay, given the circumstances.

The Bay to Breakers, you probably know, is an annual running race is San Francisco which is unique in that it is simultaneously a legitimate competitive race in which people fly in from all over the world to compete for $74,000 in prize money, and a moving festival/party with giant floats, free alcohol, public nudity, and all manner of silly costumes.

This was my 3rd year competing, and as always I combine the two elements by actually running the course, but not wearing traditional running attire.  Its the one time a year I don my stripper outfit - silver swimsuit and a bowtie.
I hoped to beat last years time by 11 minutes.  To improve on last years haphazard practicing I started training earlier, made a schedule, kept a log, and made sure to begin my recovery earlier (I started last years race sore).  I trained smarter - but not harder.  I skipped on rainy days and never made up for them.  I did do one long run (11miles), but I never matched last year's 4 repeats on the 300ft-in-one-block hill near my house.
In the end I beat my old time but only by 30 seconds.
On the plus side I ended the race with very little soreness or pain, and for the first time had the strength and energy to walk around, see costumes and meet up with friends instead of just lying in the grass for an hour and then going home like last year.

As I began walking back the way I had come I noticed some of those "God Hates Sinners" people with their giant signs and bull horns who come out to every public party type event in San Fransisco.

And I got a spontaneous idea for a simple counter-protest.
No words.  No sign. 
I, dressed like a male stripper, still listening to my MP3 player music, stood near them, and began to dance. 



Fun.  Life.  Free. Joy.  Dance.  No one gets hurt.  How can anyone say dancing and enjoying a beautiful day like this is something God hates?  God invented all this. 
I just happen to not being wearing a lot of clothes.  Hell, humans invented clothes.  God puts us here naked.  I'm not even gay.  I'm not Catholic either.  (Catholic is in the largest font on the list of things God hates).  I think my implication was understood because all the people passing by began to cheer and wave and take pictures - which must have confused my Christian friends, as I had come from behind and they had no way to know I was there.
Eventually they turned around, and said something I couldn't hear over my headphones, and tried to move away from me a little.  Then I went on to put on another show near a different set of the same group a little up the road.  I was told by a couple people that I was their hero. 
I was just happy to make people's experience of passing by the hate filled religious fanatics a more positive and entertaining one.
I'm thinking, maybe a worthwhile annual tradition...

Thursday, 14 May 2009

Bush Jr

May 14, 2009

Bush Jr.



I'll say one thing for Jr.

His press correspondents dinner was much much funnier than Obama's was.  He gets points for that.  I guess there was just so much more to make fun of about him, and he knew it, which, granted, is a very bad quality for the most powerful person on the planet to have.

But still.

I miss the days of making fun of the president.  It was enjoyable.  And it gave a good place for everyone to direct their anger.  Now who are we gonna be angry at?  We're going to have to go back to road rage, and as a bicyclist, motorcyclist, and hypermiler, that's extra bad news for me.  I realize now, too late, that I should have voted for McCain.  In the interest of amusement.  Sure, there is a slight chance we get universal health care within the next decade, but under Jr. we didn't need health care.
Because laughter is the best medicine.







(starts 2 minutes in)

Monday, 16 February 2009

You don't have to feel that way


  • Feb 16, 2009

You don't have to feel that way



The second arrow has been a recurring theme in conversations with many people for over a year at least.

You feel a certain way because of conditions or events in the external world, perhaps out of your control.
For whatever reason, you feel you shouldn't feel that way.
So then, in addition to feeling bad because of the real life problem, you also feel bad for feeling bad.

It is ok to show weakness. It is ok to be sad. Sometimes anger is appropriate.
It can never be wrong to feel a certain way. You feel how you feel.

It can never be immoral to feel a certain way. Your feeling alone can not hurt anyone else. It is only your behavior, actual actions and words, which can do harm, and feeling a certain way never forces you to act out in a particular way.

Besides, from a purely practical stand-point, it is ineffective, in fact usually counter-productive.
Say, for example, you make a resolution to work-out more. And then you don't end up sticking with it. The real problem is the consequences to your physical body. But in addition you feel bad about yourself for your lack of discipline. Feeling bad about it doesn't make you more likely to actually do it. It just makes you feel bad.

Nobody is perfect, yourself included, and it is best to recognize and accept that fact. Never add insult to injury by measuring your self against imaginary ideals, telling yourself you aren't good "enough".


On the other hand...




Some people skew this concept, using self-acceptance as license to accept everything they feel, as if we had no control at all.

You should never feel bad for feeling a certain way - but that is not the same as suggesting that every feeling needs to be validated.


It may be ok to be sad, angry, annoyed, disappointed, whatever, but they are still things to be avoided. They aren't bad in the sense of being "wrong", they are bad in the sense of being unpleasant. They feel bad. And that's reason enough to avoid them whenever possible.

And the thing is, it is possible!

Not all the time. If a loved one dies, there is no getting around the grief that will cause.
But when someone cuts you off on the freeway, it isn't them that causes you to feel upset.  Its you.
No one can cut you off if you choose to slow down and let them in.

Its not always as simple as deciding what to feel, but we do have a lot more control than many of us choose to acknowledge.

Feelings don't just happen.
They are directly related to our perceptions and interpretations of the world around us. Being intelligent animals with an understanding of cause and effect, we have a lot of choice over our circumstances.

There are times when the things affecting us are outside of our control, but aside from the obvious steps of dealing with the specific problem, there are ways we can affect the feeling itself, independent of the circumstances causing it.

There is often a very fine line between repressing something and letting it go, but there is in fact a difference. Repressing is unhealthy, and it will only build up and come back later with a vengeance.
But dwelling and wallowing as a way to avoid repression makes the bad feeling build up even faster.

Going for a walk in the sun or out with friends at night instead of spending all day alone at home.  Listening to upbeat music instead of something depressing to match the mood we're already in. Withstanding the temptation to look up all the details of our illness online when there's nothing we can do about it anyway.  Talking to a friend, asking for a hug, letting your guard down enough to allow someone to help.  None of these things make the actual problem go away, but they influence how much the problem effects you.

Accept the conditions life hands you, accept how it makes you feel, and then do something about it if you can, and focus on all the other parts of life if you can't.

There is piles of evidence that positivity has a real measurable effect, not only on mood but even on physical health.  The effectiveness of placebos, people kicking physical addiction with the support of friends, the usefulness of prayer, these are all examples of mindset and expectation affecting outcome.

From the folk wisdom of laughter being the best medicine to numerous scientific studies:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3642356.stm
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9806EFDF1538F931A3575AC0A9659C8B63
http://seniorjournal.com/NEWS/Health/5-09-07OvercomePain.htm
http://www.scribd.com/doc/448599/Study-Verifies-Power-of-Positive-Thinking
http://www.lclark.edu/dept/chron/positives03.html
it is clear that there are concrete, measurable effects derived solely from how you choose to look at life.
Its even been found that forcing a smile can actually cause people to feel happier:

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F0CE0DE1238F935A15753C1A965958260

We may not have absolute control, but we have a lot.  You feel the way you do right now because of the thoughts you are thinking at this moment. 

Next time something upsets you, take a moment to relax.  It won't feel natural at first.  That's ok.  Give it a try anyway.  You have nothing to lose.  In the end, feeling bad itself is the only thing that hurts you.

Monday, 19 January 2009

How do you feel?

  • Jan 19, 2009

How do you feel?

Happiness is due to outlook, not circumstance.

Psychologists have found that after major life changing events, both positive and negative (examples included winning the lottery and becoming permanently paraplegic), within a few years people tend to return to the same baseline of life-satisfaction they had before.

Stop chasing dreams.

Start appreciating the life around you right now.

Wednesday, 13 August 2008

Summary of not-very-thought-out rant on pending video



  • Aug 13, 2008

Summary of not-very-thought-out rant on pending video

A few weeks ago the creators of faircompanies.com came to my home with cameras, and I gave a tour of my home, and spoke of some of my political and philosophical ideas while I worked.

I didn't prepare what I was going to say, and in retrospect, perhaps I should have.

After, I tried to figure what exactly my overall point has been.

Some things in personal life have been getting in the way of writing for a while, but I think I can summarize it all now.

The overall point is this:  Do the big stuff.  Having done that, don't sweat the small stuff.

Americans have grown accustomed to a excessively high level of luxury and convenience, to the point where some of what we take for granted doesn't even improve quality of life. 
And among the people who are aware of the implications of our impact, it has become all too easy to rationalize doing the exact opposite.
Today a great many people do all the little things, and this makes it easier to rationalize not doing what will make the biggest difference.

This is not to say that there isn't a level of sacrifice in the little things, or that they don't make a positive difference. 

We should continue to

turn down the heat or AC a few degrees
use cloth shopping bags
keep tires inflated and engines tuned
turn off the water while brushing teeth
shut lights when leaving a room
recycle

and all the rest

But, even if every American did all of those sort of things, our rates of consumption of both energy and material (per capita) are so far beyond that of any other society in the world.
Many Americans today point to China and their rapidly growing economy.  They are catching up, and projected to surpass us in, for example, use of coal and oil.  But they also have over 4 times as many people.  When they reach our levels, they are still using 25% of what we use per person.  In other words, as Americans you and I are using far more than our share of world resources.  On average, 5 times more.  If every human lived like the average American, we would need 5 times more resources (land, energy, materials, water, and capacity to absorb pollution) than actually exist.  I'd be willing to bet that if you are reading this, you are doing far better than the average American.
2 times more than ones share is certainly incomparably better than 5 times more; but it is still really not sustainable.
We are able to live this way only at the expense of other people somewhere else, both in the third world, and people of the future (including, depending on age, ourselves).

The thing is, the big things really aren't as bad as we tend to assume.

The one really big question to ask ourselves, as responsible and concerned people, is: how much will this change/purchase/decision affect my overall quality of life?
Not just "will it make life a little easier?" but "will it make me more fulfilled?" or "will it substantially decrease stress?".  How would you feel looking back on your life someday if you had never done/purchased/chosen whatever?  Would it even be an issue?

The Big Things:

Don't own a car
Don't eat animal products
Live within walking (or bicycling) distance to work and groceries
Live in as small a space as possible, preferably an apartment building

I realize that one thing people may use as an objection is having kids. A family with 3 kids needs to transport up to 5 people at once.  Nearly all compact and many sub-compact cars have seating for 5.  Since most households with two drivers have two cars, this could also be accomplished with one 2 seater and one 3 seater. Not to mention child seats and trailers for bicycles.  As far as space, there are several families with kids who live in the trailer park I live in.

Even more significant is having kids in the first place.  This issue seems to be all but taboo among environmentalists even though its the single most significant one.  If we had 1/5 the number of Americans, we would be sustainable, even at the same level of excessive consumption.  Because of the resources we use per capita, it is fair to say that we are far more over-populated than, say sub-Saharan Africa from a global perspective.  Every new American uses 20 times what a new sub-Saharan African uses in a lifetime.  To be sustainable, each new generation can not continue to be bigger than the one before (fortunately the average number of children is getting to 2, or neutral growth.)  There are a lot of kids in this country that need adopting.
In fact, I should add not having kids to the Big Things.

Not everyone is going to do all of those things.  At the least though, we can all make an effort to get as close as possible.

If you own a car, take public transit on the daily commute anyway.
Perhaps eat meat so as not to insult the in-laws when they spent a long time cooking for you.
Perhaps you can't afford to live close enough to work to walk, but arrange it so you live as close as possible.  Living way out in the suburbs in order to afford a bigger house doubles the harm; and, ironically, is more likely to decrease overall quality of life as the commute increases stress and decreases free time.
It also costs more than an equally cost (smaller) home closer to work, both in its increased energy costs and costs associated with the commute.
If you already have kids, don't have more.  If you are thinking about it, at least consider adoption.

Which brings me to the other major issue.

We often associate being ecologically responsible with being middle class (Whole Foods and the Prius come to mind).

In one of my college ecology classes, the instructor told us about how he once spent an extra $500 or so on the "extra-efficient" engine of a new Honda Civic.  He had calculated how much fuel he saved over the life of the car, and concluded that he never recovered the extra cost.  His point was that high efficiency often costs more upfront, and this cost may or may not ever be recovered.
However, I think the more important comparison is between the Civic, in either configuration, and a full size car, or an SUV, either of which would have cost many thousands more, and gotten far worse mileage than even the "in-efficient" Civic.
With few exceptions, being more efficient, more environmentally friendly, costs far less than the alternative - not only in the long-run, but up-front as well.

A Prius may cost more than similarly sized cars, but the Geo Metro got the same mileage, and cost under 10k.  Better yet, even a top of the line premium bicycle costs no more than a few thousand, and eliminates the need for fuel, maintenance and insurance.
A plant based diet is cheaper for the same reason it is more sustainable; the animals we eat themselves eat food that could be feeding humans, and the majority of those calories go into the animals own metabolism. 
Obviously a small house costs less than a large one, and living close to work costs less than a 60 minute commute.
Obviously not having a child is incomparably less exspensive than having one.

Similarly, buying everything used (aside from food, stuff that gets used up like soap, and maybe underwear) costs a small fraction of buying new, and is far superior in terms of environmental impact, not only to buying standard new products, but also is far superior to buying the more expensive "green" products which have become so popular recently.

I don't mean to make people feel guilty.  My hope is that people think about things differently, and make changes that don't take away from their lives, but make them more sustainable.

Keep doing all the little things.  Just remember that spending extra money isn't enough by itself.  Instead of buying carbon credits, drive less.  I promise after the first few weeks you won't miss it.  (If you do, try a month.  If you still do after that, go back to the car with m blessing).  Driving less miles will always make more of a difference than buying a hybrid.  If you can't afford a hybrid, don't feel bad.  Make up for it by driving less.  If you can, that's great, most have far lower emissions than average.  But drive less anyway. 
This is something I need to remind myself too.  My truck runs on veggie oil, and sometimes I feel lazy and figure what the heck, its veggie oil, I'll just drive.  But it isn't 100% clean either, and I should ride my bike.  Sometimes I do.  Not always. 

I should amend the list
Drive less.  Much less
Eat animal products rarely if ever
When you move, make the commute a primary consideration (studies have shown a short commute contribute more to life satisfaction than a big house does)
Buy used whenever possible.

With all the money you save from those things, go ahead and spend the extra on "green" products, buy carbon credits; or just treat yourself to something decadent, and enjoy it to the fullest.  After that, if you have a little time left over, maybe check your tire pressure and unplug the cell phone charger.

-

Here are few links where you can roughly estimate how much you personally are using.  They are not all that detailed, and they give slightly different answers due to asking different questions and making different assumptions, but they give you an idea and a place to start from.  All of our goals should be "1 Earth", because that's all we have.

http://ecofoot.org/
http://www.myfootprint.org/en/
http://ww2.earthday.net/footprint.php


Part 2




  • Aug 13, 2008

Part 2

Something feels off about my last post.
Too negative.
I forgot the important part about how being "green" isn't really a sacrifice at all.

Because, really, a great many things that we take for granted today, many of the conveniences and luxuries, don't really add much to life - in fact, some take away from it.

Say, for example, you trade your car for a bike and your steak for a salad.
Right off the top you are saving money. In the case of the car, thousands upon thousands of dollars.
Then, after a few weeks, you are getting healthier, stronger, losing weight, feeling better about yourself, feeling better about getting up and starting each new day.
The same goes of you just take a partial step, say riding the bike to work (or to the train station, whatever) once a week, and reducing animal product intake by half.
You still find yourself with more energy, a more positive outlook on the world. After a few months, maybe a year, chances are you are up to 3 days a week, and meat only for special occasions.

Meanwhile you have this big ole stack of bills piling up in your bank account - oh, and as a side benefit, you are doing a huge service for the environment ("the environment" being short-hand for "the future of all life on the planet, including ourselves")

Its like smoking. For a smoker, there really isn't any reward to each cigarette, other than the cessation of the withdrawal symptoms. The reward to giving it up is significantly improved health, both in terms of being able to catch the bus that's just pulling away, and in terms of a long life. Plus, all the money you save by not buying the cigarettes (and the health care costs some day - because yall know we aren't going to get a nationalized health plan anytime soon).
Its just habit (and chemical addiction) that keeps them going back for more.

Our cars and diet and electricity use and all the rest are basically like cigarettes. They don't make us happier in life, but we have a lot of trouble giving them up.
(The good news is, no physical addiction!)

Other things that are good for the earth, which in the long run are good for our pocketbooks, our health, and/or our happiness, include buying the absolute smallest car you can find, buying less stuff (we all know stuff doesn't really make us happier), living close to work (or better yet, telecommuting), eating organic (more nutrients, less toxic chemicals), saving energy (this should go without saying.) It does take more time to put the clothes on the line. But not only do you save money, that is time spent outdoors in the sun, instead of in some laundrymat or the basement.

Then, with all the surplus in good deeds, spend some of that on the things that make life better, (but maybe aren't the best things ecologically)
If you spent all year saving electricity, go ahead and put up that elaborate xmas light display.
After buying everything on Craigslist.org or from thrift stores, go ahead and buy a brand new high quality food processor.
After biking to work every day, take the car up to the mountains for vacation.
And don't feel bad about it!

Enjoy life. Doing good should not be a sacrifice.

Wednesday, 5 March 2008

average + ordinary = perfection; the (not so) secret formula to happiness



  • Mar 5, 2008

average + ordinary = perfection; the (not so) secret formula to happiness


I realized relatively recently that I have finally achieved my lifelong dream.

Back in high school I had the common dilemma of trying to decide what to do next.
I had been thinking engineer, cause of interest in how mechanical stuff works, but then I hated calculus.
Everyone assumed it would be something science related, because I was supposedly "smart" or something (I was actually a fairly average student, yet even my teachers assumed otherwise - which helped become a self fulfilling prophesy in some classes)
Since everyone assumed it, I assumed it.

But nothing specific seemed appealing.

Then there was the bike trip to Mexico.
I rolled through the day, listening to many musics, pedaling and pedaling, lots of food, not too much English.
There were Mexican truck drivers, through the desert, turning down their headlights at dawn and dusk, some of them perhaps pre-power steering, at stops, they seemed like happy people.
I came back, with all those miles behind me, I got a job as a bike messenger, at the first place I applied.

I don't know when the realization hit me.
Quite likely back in high school, probably.  Or maybe during the trip, maybe just after.
I can't remember.



Everyone tells you, told me, "reach for the stars" "fulfill your potential" "do your best" "if you work hard you can succeed" "dream big" "set goals" "be all you can be".
I always felt like, if I was intelligent, it wasn't so that the world could benefit.  It was just something to make my life a little easier, maybe a little more enjoyable.  To me, doing something complex and technical and prestigious, something that might require "intelligence", doing something like that, if it doesn't actually make you happy, it isn't really that intelligent, is it?  I mean, doing something which isn't whatever makes you happiest, for a lifetime, just because you can, that seems pretty stupid to me.

What I realized one day is: I don't need to ever be famous.  I don't need to climb the social ladder.  I don't ever want to be upper class.  I don't want to be remembered in the history books for something.  I have no need, no reason, no desire to excel.  In anything.  Not even in my own narrow field.  Everyone can't be on top.  Obviously.  Why waste so much effort playing king of the hill with all the other jerks who want to be on top?

My goal, my desire, was to be a perfectly ordinary, average kind of guy, who went to work, made enough to get by, did enjoyable stuff on his time off.
I wanted maybe a wife, and probably kids someday - eventually.  Of course there are some hiccups on that part right now, but I'm still working on it.  I can't say I am optimistic about it right now, but I'm not pessimistic either.
Anyway... I didn't want to change the world. 

I wanted to be able to tell my grandchildren stories someday, and not bore them with the same ones over and over, not have to make stuff up.

And I have done a decent variety of things, my past jobs alone should be good for a good number of tales.

Today, finally, I seem to have found something I can stand - at least longer than any before (its been almost 2 years)
I am not doing anything prestigious.  Or requiring an advanced degree.  Neither of my jobs are going to change the world, or the country, or anything else. They won't make me rich. Not even close.  I still live in my RV, and am gradually paying off my debt.  I am not the top in my field. I have no formal training, no relevant community college classes, no previous on the job experience. I'm not even licensed.  But I do both my jobs well enough to have loyal customers.  I have people who ride past other bike shops, even come in from other cities, to have me work on their bikes, and then they buy me lunch while I'm working.  I have so many repeats and referrals with BioDiesel Hauling that I have only put up one craigslist ad in about half a year.
At the end of the day, I have done work.  Not just in the sense of somebody gave me a pay check, but real, physical objects have been moved, things have been repaired, something which worked poorly or not at all yesterday is functional again.  (It may not look as good as new, but it works).
Its not just some corporation my efforts are valuable to, but real individual people.

Its work I feel good about.  It may not be political, or environmental, or social justice related, or whatever else is supposed to make a "fulfilling" job, but it isn't evil either.  I do no harm.  I feel good about my work.   And for me, that's good enough. 
We spend most of our waking hours at work.  It better be enjoyable.  It makes my whole life more happy.

Its just ordinary semi-skilled manual labor.
Its been my lifelong dream.
And I have accomplished it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following is one of the best articles I have ever read, followed by my  favorite Disney song - one which may have helped guide me on this lifelong path toward mediocrity.

This article neatly summarizes my feeling, but with a little bit of research to back it up; taken from the Utne reader, link following. See, its not just me:

"I once was talking to my friend and mentor Steve Chandler when he said to me, "Have an average day!" Taken aback, I asked him what he meant. Isn't the idea to have great days, even exceptional ones?

He told me a story about one of his mentors, Lyndon Duke, who studied the linguistics of suicide. After receiving doctorates from two universities, Duke began analyzing suicide notes for linguistic clues that could be used to predict and prevent suicidal behavior in teenagers.

Duke came to believe that the enemy of happiness is "the curse of exceptionality." When everyone is trying to be exceptional, nearly everyone fails because the exceptional becomes commonplace, and those few who do succeed feel isolated and estranged from their peers. We're left with a world in which a few people feel envied, misunderstood, and alone, while thousands of others feel like failures for not being good, special, rich, or happy enough.

When I was in the thickest cloud of my own suicidal thoughts, I was at university and I remember wishing that I could run away from my scholarship, change my name to Bob, and take a job pumping gas at a full-service station somewhere in the Midwest. Only in my fantasy, people would start to notice something special about me. They would begin driving miles out of their way to have "Bob the service guy" fill up their cars and to exchange a few words with him, leaving the station oddly uplifted and with a renewed sense of optimism and purpose.

I was, to my way of thinking, doomed to succeed.

Delusions of grandeur? Quite possibly. Depressed and miserable? Absolutely.

One of Duke's breakthroughs came when he was dealing with his own unhappiness and heard a neighbor singing while he was mowing his lawn. Duke realized what was missing from his life: the simple pleasures of an average day.

The very next weekend, he went to visit his son, who was struggling to excel in his first term at university. "I expect you to be a straight C student, young man," Duke said. "I want you to complete your unremarkable academic career, meet an ordinary young woman, and, if you choose to, get married and live a completely average life!"

His son, of course, thought Dad had finally flipped, but it did take the pressure off him to be quite so exceptional. A month later he phoned his father to apologize. He had gotten A's on his exams, despite having done only an average amount of studying.

This is the paradoxical promise of an average-day philosophy: The cumulative effect of a series of average days is actually quite extraordinary.

If we put this together with another one of Duke's discoveries—that the meaning of our lives comes from the differences we make with them, though these differences need not be huge to have a profound impact—we may well have the ultimate prescription for a happy, productive life:

Be an average, happy person making a small positive difference (and having a happy, average day). In doing this, you create a kind of exceptionality that everyone can share."
-Michael Neill

http://www.utne.com/2008-01-01../Science-Technology/Have-an..-Average-Day.aspx?page=2

---
Or, to put it much simpler (from a cartoon bear, and with a nice musical background - emphasis mine):
Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
Old Mother Nature's recipes
That brings the bare necessities of life

Wherever I wander, wherever I roam
I couldn't be fonder of my big home
The bees are buzzin' in the tree
To make some honey just for me
When you look under the rocks and plants
And take a glance at the fancy ants
Then maybe try a few

(You eat ants!?)
(You better believe it! And you're gonna love the way they tickle)

The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you!

Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
That's why a bear can rest at ease
With just the bare necessities of life

Now when you pick a pawpaw
Or a prickly pear
And you prick a raw paw
Next time beware
Don't pick the prickly pear by the paw
When you pick a pear
Try to use the claw
But you don't need to use the claw
When you pick a pear of the big pawpaw
Have I given you a clue ?

(Golly, thanks Baloo)

The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you!

So just try and relax, yeah cool it
Fall apart in my backyard
'Cause let me tell you something little britches
If you act like that bee acts, uh uh
You're working too hard

And don't spend your time lookin' around
For something you want that can't be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin' about it
I'll tell you something true

The bare necessities of life will come to you

______________________________..__


If you act like that bee acts... uh uh, you're working too hard.