I wait in fear

·         May 14, 2007

I wait in fear

a state of limbo

perhaps purgatory is more accurate

A space between Heaven and Hell

While I await judgment.

I can not imagine a matter more important.  Life and death, or actually, more significant than even that, it is a matter of life.

And it is out of my control.
I have made a case for myself.
I have tried the best I could.

I feel in a way a judgment against me would be better than this.
The anticipation itself is as agonizing as the worst Hell may have in store for me.
Heaven or Hell seems a most accurate description of the choices before me.  Or actually, Heaven, Hell or an indefinite stay in purgatory.  Even the last would be better than this. 
At least then I would know.

It is another 5:20am morning tomorrow.
I must try to sleep.

The moment before sleep is the worst part of each day.
In that moment, there is no distraction.